


Learning from Loss

by Altman



Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Death, Multi, because there are so many parallels between Zalvetta/Gregor and Zeke/Kyrlos that it kills me, ok so, this is just a really short thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Altman/pseuds/Altman
Summary: Unable to come to terms with his feelings for Gregor, Zalvetta seeks out someone he thinks might understand his situation.





	Learning from Loss

The weather was typical for the time of year in Ohnorant, as the former leader of the Lily Clan lowered his sword, shaking his head at his sparring partner.

“Alright, let’s call it a day for now.”

“Oh, come on, I’ve almost got it!” Kyr protested, resting the oversized blade he wielded on his shoulder, “Just a little longer, please.”

“While I appreciate your enthusiasm, Engineer, I doubt we can make any more progress today.”

He still couldn’t bring himself to say that name. It was a fragmented reminder of the person Zeke had loved, and carried too many what-if’s and never-were’s with it. Maybe someday he’d be able to face those regrets, but for now…

“Let us resume tomorrow.” Zeke said, moving into a meditative stance, “You’re dismissed.”

Kyr sighed, and turned away. Suddenly, he looked up, grinning and waving at a figure in the shadows. “Hey! Hey, Zalvetta! How you doing, buddy?”

The young ninja slinked out of his hiding place, frowning.

“How the hell’d you notice me?” He asked, more irritated than angry.

“I dunno, you just sorta give off, uh, a vibe similar to some of the Spirit-folk back home? I had to get really good at picking up on that kind of thing.”

“That’s… that’s not even remotely close to how things work!” Zalvetta snapped, throwing his hands into the air, “Whatever, I didn’t come here to waste time on your bullshit.”

“OK. I was just leaving anyway.” Kyr replied calmly, sheathing his sword, “I’ll see ya around. Should I tell Gregor where to find you?”

The glare he received was more than enough of an answer. As the redhead scampered off, Zalvetta turned to Zeke with a huff.

“You shouldn’t be so quick-tempered with him. He truly means well.”

“That’s rich, coming from someone who won’t even say his name.” Zalvetta replied with a faint sneer, “The blind lead the blind/Hypocrisy is bullshit/…Fuck, haikus are lame.”

“Hmm. You’re getting better. That one actually followed the rules.” The former clan leader smiled serenely, unsheathing his sword, “Now, was a fight what you were seeking?”

But to his surprise, the ninja made no move to draw his weapons, and instead just stood there, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes downcast.

“Actually… I, um… I was… wondering if…” He broke off, crossing his arms, glaring daggers at Zeke, as if the man had accidentally kicked one of the many stray cats Zalvetta insisted he was only taking care of for a little bit, but never seemed to find any other place for them, “Shit, you’re really gonna make me say it, huh? I just… wanna talk to someone. And since not many people, y’know, like me, ‘cause of the whole ‘I tried to kill them’ thing, the only one who fits that bill is you.”

“What about Gregor? The young champion is quite fond of you.”

“T-This isn’t… really something I can talk to him about…” His voice trailed off, as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “Since I, well… I really like him? And I don’t know what to do. Or if I should even do anything…”

Zeke nodded once, moving to kneel at the edge of the platform, and gestured to a spot beside him. A look of relief broke through Zalvetta’s scowl, but only for a moment, as he settled himself beside the swordsman, knees pulled up to his chin.

“So, you really like him.” It was less a question, and more a simple statement of fact.

“Yeah, I-I do. At first, I thought it was just because he was so nice to me, and I was returning the favour, but now…”

“Well, let us begin from the beginning. His kindness initially drew you to him, yes?”

Zalvetta frowned, considering his words for a moment, “Yeah. The way he didn’t treat me with disdain, or fear… I guess it was a little infuriating, how nothing seemed to faze him? I told him I kill… That I killed people, and he said, ‘Murder just happens sometimes’…”

“He does have something of a… unique worldview. He tries to see the best in almost everyone, and is totally committed to his friends.” Zeke chuckled a little, “It’s an admirable combination.”

 “I know. And I…” He sighed, “How can I tell him how I feel when I don’t know if I deserve…”

Reaching over, Zeke placed a hand on Zalvetta’s shoulder, a hint of sadness in his reassuring smile, “It isn’t about ‘deserving’ anything. Your feelings, your happiness, aren’t contingent on whether you think you’ve earned it. If you truly care about Gregor, you should tell him.”

“Don’t let doubt hold you back for too long. The kind of life he leads, it isn’t a ‘safe’ line of work. One day, you might lose your chance, lose _him_ , forever, and that kind of regret is not an easy burden to bear. I would prefer not to see another succumb to my own mistakes.”

“You mean Kyrlos?” He asked, though the question was more of a formality than anything else.

Zeke was silent for a minute, and when he spoke, his normally serene voice was raw with emotion, “Yes. I pushed down my feelings, certain that I’d never be good enough, and that hesitation meant the man I loved died without knowing how much he really meant to me.”

Zalvetta was a little taken aback. Emotions were about as far from his area expertise as good decisions seemed to be from Markus’s, and he wasn’t quite sure what he should say.

_‘Sorry he’s dead’_ wouldn’t work, because it wasn’t true. He certainly regretted Kyrlos’ death, but he wasn’t sorry. Not when Gregor’s life had been on the line…

Of course, he couldn’t say that, either. He was blunt, not tactless.

“Zeke, I-I…”

“I don’t blame you, if that’s what you’re thinking. The battlefield is not a place of easy choices, and you and Kyrlos both understood the weight of your actions.” His calm voice cut Zalvetta’s protest short, “Slow a process as it is, I will make my own peace with what happened.”

“So, please, learn from my past. Follow your heart, and find some happiness.”

Zalvetta nodded, and slowly rose to his feet, “Alright. I guess… I guess I can try.”

“But I’m not doing just ‘cause you told me to, OK?”

“Of course,” Zeke stood, offering Zalvetta a hand, “And if you ever wish to talk…”

The ninja clasped his hand, nodding, “I know where to find you. Thanks.”

**Author's Note:**

> Zalvetta's haiku is quite possibly the best thing I've ever written
> 
> The blind lead the blind  
> Hypocrisy is bullshit  
> Fuck, haikus are lame


End file.
